Don't Play Fortnite, It Kills
''Excerpt from ''local news paper ''
“A
man has been found dead at his old home and police are on the scene. The Police
have made a statement that the only thing they could find at the crime scene
was a computer disc that said “FORNITE” and an old Windows laptop. The cause of
death is left as unknown.”
Real Story
Sam’s
Gaming Diary
Entry
1: 10/03/17 5:30 pm
Just
finished playing PUBG with my gay ass friends, I think I should find some new
friends to play with. I always die because of their shitty game tactics and we
haven’t scored a single win. Playing Mario right now, it’s better than playing
in a squad with a bunch of retards.
Entry
2: 10/03/17 6:30 pm
My
Mum just called me for dinner, I keep telling her that I’m playing a game but
she doesn’t give a shit. I’m gonna continue playing Mario for now.
Entry
3: 10/03/17 8:35 pm
Mum
has told me to go to bed for the sixteenth time, only if she knew what rewards
I was getting in this bad ass game. I was told by my friend at soccer training,
that once I rescue Princess Peach, I get to fuck her. I can finally lose my
virginity, as Mario of course.
Entry
4: 11/03/17 3:30 pm
School
was such a piss take. My Maths teacher got so mad that I didn’t hand in my
homework, so such we went on for a over hour rant about how people get jobs and
money. Money isn’t everything my Dad told me, getting that PUBG grind is
everything though, especially after I got some new people to play with, they’re
quite bad but at least they’re not autistic.
Entry
5: 11/05/17 5:45 pm
YOU
GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! Some wanna-be massive gaming company just
announced a new game called “Fortnite”, but it’s such a copy of PUBG. It’s
gonna be released on the 25th of July. I bet nobody will buy it.
Entry
6: 25/05/17 6:43 pm
FUCK
MY MUM! I HAVE GIVEN UP UNIVERSITY AND A GREAT FUTURE JOB TO KEEP HER COMPANY
SINCE DAD PAST AWAY, NOW SHE TOOK MY LAPTOP. SHE’S SO UNGRATEFUL! I HOPE SHE
FEELS BAD AFTER SHE FINDS OUT WHAT SHE HAS DONE!
Entry
7: 5/06/17 4:35 pm
All
the people at my school were talking so highly of the stupid PUBG rip-off
called “Fortnite”. I sincerely hope they don’t buy the game, I’ve seen the
preview footage… ITS SO SHIT!
Entry
8: 10/06/17 5:37 pm
15
more days till Fortnite comes out, I am so excited!
Entry
9: 20/06/17 6:37 pm
Lol!
I got sent the game five days earlier by a guy on ebay. The disc seem’d pretty
fishy to me, but I wanted to see what was on it anyway. SUCK IT JOSH!
Entry
10: 20/06/17
Hi,
everyone
This
is James, Sam’s brother. I just came inside my brother’s room and found him
dead on the floor, their was blood everywhere! It seemed hyper realistic. I
just called the police, I found a disc inside his computer called “FORTNITE”
and text on his screen saying “That’s what you get for messing with the
Fortnite God’s bitch!” in big red letters.
Pls,
don’t play Fortnite, ever!
End of Diary